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Fictional Guild Wars login announcements
__NOWYSIWYG__ Originals are at Guild Wars login announcements. Alien invasion Beware of the aliens in Senji's Corner! They can remove your profession and replace your skills with "attack", which is just a regular attack. Beware of bosses Never give an in-game boss your password, it will log in to your account and remove all your skills, ensuring it an easy victory. It will also log in to your real life and burn your real items and kill all of your loved ones. Consider yourself warned. Beware of fake login announcements Some Guild Wars websites may display login announcements that are not actually authored by ArenaNet and have never run on the GuildWars login screen. Be alert! Stay safe! Wear a condom! Beware of Xunlai Secret Agents bearing gifts of Peace and Harmony Although they may look innocent at first glance, they can quickly remove hexes and pre-existing conditions and are just terrible, terrible experience for your monkey. Review the Naming Policy There are some types of names that are not funny, so before creating a new character, please ask your sober friends whether it really is as funny as you think it is. Example: "Nee Gromancer" is not a good name for a Necromancer. If it spells words, spellcheck them. Buying Gold costs money If you purchase gold for real-world money, you are spending money on a game that could be spent on food, clothes, or a hot, sensual experience (such as a warm massage bath). Instead you are spending money to have fun at a game that should have been fun even without you having spend money to get play-money. If Guild Wars isn't fun for you, don't play and don't pay! Unless, of course, the game becomes much more fun once you remove the tedium component. Don't Give Account Information to 4chan Beware of Anonymous who ask for your account information "for teh lulz". The request "Account or GTFO" is designed to trick you into divulging your personal information, which is then used to have fun with your account. Never give your account information to anonymous. Also remember: if you let 4chan have your login details, your account will likely be suspended in short order, but at least it will be funny. Chat Channel Changes Players are reminded that the chat channels are intended for social activities. Players using the chat channels to hang idling are subject to account suspension. Be sure to use the chat regularly! See the Conduct Breaches and Outcomes document at www.guildwars.com/support/conduct_breach for more information on how to abuse the chat channels properly. I Have a New Key Now buy a new door. Isle of the Nameless temporarily closed The PvP hub and part time swimming pool Isle of the Nameless has been temporarily closed by person, or persons unknown. When asked about the closure, an ArenaNet source would only whisper, "Gnomes!" and directed further questions to their community representative, Regina. Cats All your base are now belong to us. Double drop rates for the faithful This year, players playing as a Monk or Dervish will be rewarded by the gods with a double drop rate. Players that create characters after this announcement shall not qualify, as they are false converts, and do not exhibit real faith. CHUCK NORRIS WEEKEND This weekend, players will be playing as Chuck Norris and all skills will be replaced by roundhouse kick. Free green replication For the weekend of 13 November, we mistakenly announced that players would have 'double odds of receiving green items'. Our player community kindly pointed out to us that 2 is not an odd number. As a result, only one green item dropped at a time. This weekend, players can talk to King Frozenwind in the Underworld and present any green items to receive an identical copy. We apologize for the inconvenience. Permanent Deaths Due to server errors, players have reported deaths to lead to deletion of characters. Arenanet is working on the problem, but will not be able to fix it before Monday. Until a final solution is released, we recommend staying off those characters you treasure or enjoy playing, and instead make a Dervish. Map Travel Changes Due to constant abuse of a bug with the main map that enabled players to instantly warp to locations, we have banned all players that abused this exploit. As a bug fix, we have updated the game to use a new Map Travel system that costs one map travel ticket per use. Tickets are available from Kuunavang in the Harvest Temple for 10g each. Our deepest apologies to those on the far side of Tyria and Elona. Vanquishing Update When you entered an explorable area which you have previously vanquished, there will be no enemies. Be careful when vanquishing an area if you have not got an elite skill from that area. Dhuum Careful, Dhuum is looking for new recruits daily. He needs to fill up Underworld with slaves. If you get tapped by him, remember that there's nothing you can do. He will hunt you, if you try to run away. Chicken Weekend Exploding chickens are on the loose! Randomly exploding chickens are attacking people and giving them exploding chicken disease (condition). Beware! and be cautious where you tread, when they attack they remove all your items and skills, transmit the "disease" and run away. Chickens have never been more dangerous! Assassin weekend This weekend players playing as assassins will be randomly challenged to a dagger duel by Dhuum while in city or an outpost, because he is angry with them. If you lose this fight, you will be permanently banned for the duration of the event. Good luck! Louie Spence Weekend This Weekend all new characters will develop an interest in artistic personality and will have an Essex accent combined with a lisp. Also you may become openly gay. Please we advise you to stay at home and play your current characters before you become the ultimate rubber man. Tongue Rash Precautions The recent surge in Guild Wars cases of tongue rash has been traced back to the source, a Canthan slave producing Red Bean Cakes for the New Year celebrations. Emperor Kisu has ordered a recall of all Red Bean Cakes aquired from last weekend. Beware of the rash, check your character's tongues daily. A remedy is available from the monks in Shing Jea Monastery. Dervish Overload Because of the recent update, there has been a spike in Dervish activity and previously underused game mechanics are being overused and are liable to spontaneously combust. Any players using updated Dervish skills are likely to catch on fire and in extreme cases reach critical mass. For this reason, ANet advises having a fire extinguisher handy at all times. NcSoft Servers Down. NcSoft has announced that due to extensive PVP play, their servers were completely destroyed. Because of total server destruction: All guilds were disbanded, account titles removed, and Kamadan was razed to the ground. NcSoft is refusing to reopen the newer servers due to them being cheap, until all accounts mass into one army and conquer the Blizzard servers. When conquered NCSOFT will have a new set of servers for all accounts to use. Warning to Male Elementalists Due to a recent plagiarism suit from NBC, the male elementalist dance has been removed. This has unintentionally introduced a bug that causes players to crash to desktop when attempting to dance as a male elementalist, or being in a district where a male elementalist tries to dance. PvE Skill Updates ANet confirmed today that the current PvP builds are '..just too powerful.'. In response, all skills will be overhauled and made less effective so people can't exploit the game. The skill upgrades have already started in a scheduled roll-over of all character types, starting with the Dervish. Hidden Easter eggs in Guild Wars revealed at last! Players are requested to type /dancenew in the final Eye of the North quest. This triggers the special dance with the destroyers minigame. Be careful not to wake the sleeping dragon. action=edit}} add fictional announcement Ideas Hailing Abbadon keeps the Margonites at bay.